26 June 2011

i never thought

i realized today that so many things i never thought would come or happen for me are suddenly coming to fruition. im graduated from college and im madly in love again more than ever before and i have a second family and im in the process of trying to find my career. all we have are moments. and half of the time these moments are in the making we are completely oblivious until we are in a place of reflection. i never want to forget this moment; this moment of extreme gratitude in spite of the extreme poverty and the anxiety and the unknown that is my current existence. THANK YOU GOD.

06 June 2011

post-grad month 1

The past month has been a mixture of emotions. I spend a few days reveling in the life of a housewife; being domestic, laying out, sleeping in, cooking, watching movies, and drinking wine. Then out of nowhere I'll be flooded with feelings of dread and alarm over the fact that of the 30 places I have given my resume to, no one has given me a full time job - worry over where I'll move in a month, and how I'll financially survive. On top of that are general feelings of anxiety that leave me feeling useless and wondering if I'll ever actually be DOing something that makes me feel worthwhile. Overdramatic feelings - obviously. However, overall, I have been having a blast.
We've had park days:

We've had beach days:

Everyday is Friday:

And I had the pleasure of throwing mi amor a surprise party and taking us on a day-long adventure for his 24th birthday:

Eckhart Tolle is centering me and reminding me that all I ever have is the now. Obsession over the past and the future get me nowhere but out of the present moment. Tickets, income, housing; all of these things will be dealt with in their time. I have always been provided for, and know that I will continue to be. Luckily, I have plenty of love and support from best friends, family, my boyfriend, and higher power, that should and can enable me to feel fulfilled regardless of the circumstances. I also have a part time job that I'll be starting in a few weeks that is a blessing. I am constantly being reminded that expectations are counterproductive to my personal fulfillment, and this is an important/difficult lesson for me to learn.