07 August 2011

to love when you don't want to anymore

loving my clients has never really been a task for me. it came naturally and further confirmed that i had chosen the right profession. and then i started working with the mentally ill population; more specifically, mentally ill straight men. and i began wondering if it was even possible for me to find love in my heart for them in spite of all of their pervy comments and blatant manipulation tactics. who would've thought this would be the hardest task of my new job. i guess someone wanted to put my love to the test - am i able to love the seemingly unlovable? i've come to find that it is a daily process. and it is work. but i am hoping i can get better and better at it.

16 July 2011

canning

found me a big girl job involving formal business attire and the mentally ill population. this is a dream situation for me considering i am two months out of college. however, i have yet to be able to fully bask in its dreaminess because i am distracted by the looming stress of finding a place to live by august 1 (two weeks.) sigh. the madness continues.

14 July 2011

the time has come


Everyone who didn't dive into Harry Potter's journey has rude things to say about the hype. However, those of us who did grow up along with him and imagine our second selves casting spells and traipsing the halls of Hogwarts know better. Fellow fans may try and disqualify me from true fan-ship for not standing in a 3 hour line and seeing this monumental ending at the strike of midnight, but can't a girl just try avoid the lines and the congestion? I'll be seeing it this weekend, knowing full well the importance of Ron, Hermione, and Harry to my upbringing. It's so bittersweet.

26 June 2011

i never thought

i realized today that so many things i never thought would come or happen for me are suddenly coming to fruition. im graduated from college and im madly in love again more than ever before and i have a second family and im in the process of trying to find my career. all we have are moments. and half of the time these moments are in the making we are completely oblivious until we are in a place of reflection. i never want to forget this moment; this moment of extreme gratitude in spite of the extreme poverty and the anxiety and the unknown that is my current existence. THANK YOU GOD.

06 June 2011

post-grad month 1

The past month has been a mixture of emotions. I spend a few days reveling in the life of a housewife; being domestic, laying out, sleeping in, cooking, watching movies, and drinking wine. Then out of nowhere I'll be flooded with feelings of dread and alarm over the fact that of the 30 places I have given my resume to, no one has given me a full time job - worry over where I'll move in a month, and how I'll financially survive. On top of that are general feelings of anxiety that leave me feeling useless and wondering if I'll ever actually be DOing something that makes me feel worthwhile. Overdramatic feelings - obviously. However, overall, I have been having a blast.
We've had park days:

We've had beach days:


Everyday is Friday:



And I had the pleasure of throwing mi amor a surprise party and taking us on a day-long adventure for his 24th birthday:







Eckhart Tolle is centering me and reminding me that all I ever have is the now. Obsession over the past and the future get me nowhere but out of the present moment. Tickets, income, housing; all of these things will be dealt with in their time. I have always been provided for, and know that I will continue to be. Luckily, I have plenty of love and support from best friends, family, my boyfriend, and higher power, that should and can enable me to feel fulfilled regardless of the circumstances. I also have a part time job that I'll be starting in a few weeks that is a blessing. I am constantly being reminded that expectations are counterproductive to my personal fulfillment, and this is an important/difficult lesson for me to learn.

21 May 2011

amor

(via ellymarie)

love is a many complex and inspiring and splendid thing.

18 May 2011

Read this.

A friend gave me this along with two other leisure reading novels that I cannot wait to start. I have been hooting and hollering with laughter through the entire thing. It brilliant and witty and an incredibly easy read.

14 May 2011

to evolve

one of the most terrifying and beautiful parts of being in relationship with others, is that you simply cannot ever completely know a human being. no matter how many moments you spend with one another. though sometimes this thought can be paralyzing and paranoia-inducing, i'm choosing to embrace the more positive perspective that is seeing the beauty that is consistent evolution; in nature, in relationship, and in myself.

ladybug hope



For whatever reason, a ladybug landing in my presence has always symbolized hope and freedom for me. As a child, a ladybug landing on me or around me was a moment where time stopped and I gasped and held my breath all in one. Recently, a ladybug landed on my windshield as I was driving home feeling like I might drown in the stresses of life. It gave me the same exact reaction that childhood Brittany would have experienced, except also came with teary eyes and a smile - feeling like this was a moment that a higher power was telling me to breathe and have hope. It's honestly kind of disappointing to google image ladybugs. They don't look nearly as wonderful in photos to me as they do when they show up in the flesh at just the right moment. I wonder if ladybugs have this same effect on everyone, or if everyone else just has their own version of my ladybug hope.

rush

today, i've been wondering what it is in me that likes to rush a good thing. my impatience is so extreme, that i often times have trouble enjoying what i currently have for what it currently is because i am busy wanting to rush to the next step or stage or level. as cliche as the phrase "living in the moment" may seem, it it something i all too often forget about. it may be something i will always be striving towards, but i at least need to be intentionally striving.


01 May 2011

ive got the month of may

sometimes, your partner knows exactly what you need at exactly the right time. and it is beautiful and you just don't even know what to say.


ill sleep when im dead

holy epic weekend. very little sleep involved, as well as little work done. sometimes though, its just worth it. youre only young once. these are the times where you stay up until 5 in the morning to wake up 4 hours later, because there was so much life to live and moments to be had that you needed to be awake longer to experience it all. and really, when you look back, how tired it made you will be a meaningless sidenote.






30 April 2011

.

i would wear these forever if they weren't so damn expensive. i have LOVED them, and they made me stop biting my nails. don't ask me why regular nail polish didn't have the same effect on me. your guess is as good as mine.

yesterday mackenzie turned 22. we went roller skating, bought jellies that smell like childhood memories, drank tequila and SQUIRT, and had sing-a-longs until 3 in the morning. we embraced our youth and it was perfect and fitting. 
i adore this woman.
(circa 18 years old)

in other news, i'm almost done with my undergraduate career. i have one paper, one take-home final, and a biology final left and this whole phase of life is over. i have been extremely up and down with this phase. one moment i'm elated, the next moment i'm crying and feeling aimless. i guess i'm experiencing premature post-grad woes. i'm sure there are many more transition posts to come. but for now, i'm feeling good about all of it. 

I've had these songs on repeat as of this past week:
Van Morrison- Brown Eyed Girl
Ben E. King- Stand By Me
The Proclaimers- I'm Gonna Be
Stealer's Wheel- Stuck in the Middle with You
Billy Joel- Only the Good Die Young
Brandi Carlisle- Have You Ever
A.C. Newman- Prophets
Labi Siffre- Bless the Telephone

It's all slightly random but it's been keeping me comforted and refreshed. 

i'd be happy to move here post-graduation.




28 April 2011

magna cum queef

the goodbyes and the "last everythings" and turning in this key and that key and thank you letters and excitement and dread and disbelief all in one. here goes another giant transition.

love this



Hmmm


Which one are you?

24 April 2011

petri and ducky


officially (the vital word here) three months with this beautiful boy. i am thankful for our moments and our laughter and our love. i am very in love.

resurrection

and today i meditate on grace and sacrificial love and renewal, through which christ portrayed in its most perfect form. i prayerfully and joyfully embrace what it means to live, and am thankful for this gift of life that i have been given.


23 April 2011

the proof is in tha puddin

it dawned on me the other day that i have faith. i have faith that i have faith. that faith lies in multiple things that i don't feel the need to explain. but, after years of trying to find a calculated way to attain faith, which then led to me giving up completely... suddenly, it's something i just possess. proof that sometimes it is something you just have wait for; something you have to allow to gradually manifest itself in you (for those of us who have yet to witness a bible-style miracle.) this is exciting to me. i never want to stop growing.

14 April 2011

your love

Today on the way to work, I was thinking about that phrase that I feel as though I've heard alot: "No one can love you enough for you to love yourself." And though I love this in idea, and think that to some degree this may be true, I can't help but challenge it based on my own experience. Sometimes, it is those certain people in your life continuously showing you that you are worth being loved; unconditionally, without abandon, and persistently, that ultimately help us learn to love ourselves. Sure, there are a lot of fucked up things that this world as a whole tries to tell us. So, to give the world complete credence might just as well leave us feeling worthless. (ie: sexism) However, it is those special individual relationships that cross the barriers of society's whisper and show me on an intimate level that I can be loved. And not only that, I am worth it. To some one. To some few. And for this, I thank my mom and my dad. I thank them for loving me unconditionally through the disrespect and the disagreements. I thank my House of Love women and man, that have truly seen me at my worst; for being there through the tears and the shame and the disapointments, and reminding me that I am still powerful and brave. I thank Tim, for fighting for me when I had lost hope that anyone fought for anyone anymore. All of you, have helped me learn how to love myself.

10 April 2011

just the right lighting

there is something about napping in summer sunset sunbeams that makes me feel beautiful and blissful.

09 April 2011

cowardly lion

I WANT TO MOVE TO NEW YORK WHERE ANYTHING GOES WITH FASHION AND ITS NORMAL TO DRESS UP. or i just want the courage to wear anything and everything i want, here.


03 April 2011

dreaming

all i want to do is read classics and smutty romance novels and exercise and suntan and have quality me time and quality you time and take day trips. summer, come faster.

30 March 2011

sun scent

 
Days like these are floating balloons and the smell of your sunny skin and "i can't believe we made it here" and feeling peace without any reason to. 


29 March 2011

ALMOST


Summer is almost here, and my undergrad education is too. Both of these things imply these things:


(minus the sleep part)

28 March 2011

"Women, in whom life lingers and dwells more immediately, more fruitfully and more confidently, must surely have become fundamentally riper people, more human people, than easygoing man, who is not pulled down below the surface of life by the weight of any fruit of his body, and who, presumptuous and hasty, undervalues what he thinks he loves. This humanity of woman, borne its full time in suffering and humiliation, will come to light when she will have stripped off the conventions of mere femininity in the mutations of her outward status, and those men who do not yet feel it approaching today will be surprised and struck by it. Some day, some day there will be girls and women whose name will no longer signifiy merely an opposite of the masculine, but something in itself, something that makes one think, not of any complement and limit, but only of life and existence: the feminine human being."


- Rilke

harsh reality

im starting to think that it's just too much to ask to be happy for an extended period of time.

23 March 2011

also,

we're at a close tie with brangelina for QTest couple.


ready to escape

I want to do this:
And run away to this:


photos found { here }

17 March 2011

mantra


Choosing to see my future as the aurora borealis as opposed to a giant cloud. Both are ambiguous but the former is full of hope. I think I'm seeing God more and I am surrounded by love and for this I am grateful. I'm exhausted, all the time, but this is just a season.

11 March 2011

weird

Do you ever look in the mirror and feel like you are seeing your own face for the first time? 

SOCKS

with wedges and heels are sweeping the nation. and i love it.




02 March 2011

bleh

bringing in the new month with bronchitis, a stuffy nose, and heinous achey-ness. lame. something i was able to learn in this time however, is that i strongly recommend you watch Easy-A.

This is a great modern-day teen comedy that challenges norms and has a progressive moral lesson/ending. Not to mention her parents in this movie are brilliant & hilarious.

28 February 2011

hairs

inspired by these hairs - the cut of the
first and the 'do' of the second
Ignore the heinous suit thing