23 March 2010

almost almost

sleeping, sunning, working, homeworking, people-ing.
spring break in 3 days, i need it so bad!

20 March 2010


It feels like yesterday and 5 years ago all at the same time.

16 March 2010

Mary Crow Dog

Read Lakota Woman, the inspiring autobiography of Mary Crow Dog. Heartbreak and beauty are interwoven to depict the strife of a Native American woman in the 20th century. I read this book in speedy fashion considering 19 units of homework, work, and life combined.

14 March 2010

inching closer

And I wore those boots with high heels and red lipstick, and I couldn't shake my social anxiety that was closing in on me like a fungus. I can't be too tall I can't stand out too much I can't I can't I don't deserve I don't deserve. And then I stomped on it, and I chose to embrace my height and my lips standing out like a sore thumb. And I felt like more of a woman; a woman with curves and 6 feet tall in heels. And for the first time in all these months I don't need to cling to a hope of his this or his that or my phone ringing 949 because it doesn't even matter anymore. I refuse to live for a delusion. I am me and I can stay home on a Friday night and do homework and be comfortable in who I am. And I don't need to fake for you guys anymore. If I don't call it's because you aren't my priority. And I'm drawing boundaries and I'm staying inside of them and I'm wearing heels when I go out and letting myself stay in and not needing to be known and not needing to know.
Maybe this journey of figuring out who the hell I am is actually taking me somewhere. And teaching me something. And maybe I am getting a little bit closer.

04 March 2010


I'm so sick of Azusa, and yet I know I have so many reasons to be thankful. These people heavily contribute to that reality.