07 August 2011

to love when you don't want to anymore

loving my clients has never really been a task for me. it came naturally and further confirmed that i had chosen the right profession. and then i started working with the mentally ill population; more specifically, mentally ill straight men. and i began wondering if it was even possible for me to find love in my heart for them in spite of all of their pervy comments and blatant manipulation tactics. who would've thought this would be the hardest task of my new job. i guess someone wanted to put my love to the test - am i able to love the seemingly unlovable? i've come to find that it is a daily process. and it is work. but i am hoping i can get better and better at it.

16 July 2011

canning

found me a big girl job involving formal business attire and the mentally ill population. this is a dream situation for me considering i am two months out of college. however, i have yet to be able to fully bask in its dreaminess because i am distracted by the looming stress of finding a place to live by august 1 (two weeks.) sigh. the madness continues.

14 July 2011

the time has come


Everyone who didn't dive into Harry Potter's journey has rude things to say about the hype. However, those of us who did grow up along with him and imagine our second selves casting spells and traipsing the halls of Hogwarts know better. Fellow fans may try and disqualify me from true fan-ship for not standing in a 3 hour line and seeing this monumental ending at the strike of midnight, but can't a girl just try avoid the lines and the congestion? I'll be seeing it this weekend, knowing full well the importance of Ron, Hermione, and Harry to my upbringing. It's so bittersweet.

26 June 2011

i never thought

i realized today that so many things i never thought would come or happen for me are suddenly coming to fruition. im graduated from college and im madly in love again more than ever before and i have a second family and im in the process of trying to find my career. all we have are moments. and half of the time these moments are in the making we are completely oblivious until we are in a place of reflection. i never want to forget this moment; this moment of extreme gratitude in spite of the extreme poverty and the anxiety and the unknown that is my current existence. THANK YOU GOD.

06 June 2011

post-grad month 1

The past month has been a mixture of emotions. I spend a few days reveling in the life of a housewife; being domestic, laying out, sleeping in, cooking, watching movies, and drinking wine. Then out of nowhere I'll be flooded with feelings of dread and alarm over the fact that of the 30 places I have given my resume to, no one has given me a full time job - worry over where I'll move in a month, and how I'll financially survive. On top of that are general feelings of anxiety that leave me feeling useless and wondering if I'll ever actually be DOing something that makes me feel worthwhile. Overdramatic feelings - obviously. However, overall, I have been having a blast.
We've had park days:

We've had beach days:


Everyday is Friday:



And I had the pleasure of throwing mi amor a surprise party and taking us on a day-long adventure for his 24th birthday:







Eckhart Tolle is centering me and reminding me that all I ever have is the now. Obsession over the past and the future get me nowhere but out of the present moment. Tickets, income, housing; all of these things will be dealt with in their time. I have always been provided for, and know that I will continue to be. Luckily, I have plenty of love and support from best friends, family, my boyfriend, and higher power, that should and can enable me to feel fulfilled regardless of the circumstances. I also have a part time job that I'll be starting in a few weeks that is a blessing. I am constantly being reminded that expectations are counterproductive to my personal fulfillment, and this is an important/difficult lesson for me to learn.

21 May 2011

amor

(via ellymarie)

love is a many complex and inspiring and splendid thing.

18 May 2011

Read this.

A friend gave me this along with two other leisure reading novels that I cannot wait to start. I have been hooting and hollering with laughter through the entire thing. It brilliant and witty and an incredibly easy read.

14 May 2011

to evolve

one of the most terrifying and beautiful parts of being in relationship with others, is that you simply cannot ever completely know a human being. no matter how many moments you spend with one another. though sometimes this thought can be paralyzing and paranoia-inducing, i'm choosing to embrace the more positive perspective that is seeing the beauty that is consistent evolution; in nature, in relationship, and in myself.